The Three Day Diet

These days I have been doing absolutely ZERO physical activity, unless typing is considered physical activity, which it obviously isn’t. My fingers probably have mad muscles now. Therefore my mom and I decided to go on a three day diet. She has been doing it for a while, and she swears by it. So why not give it a try?

I’m on my third day. This is what was on the menu for yesterday:

Breakfast

Breakfast isn’t bad, it’s actually more than I really eat for breakfast. 1 banana, 1 boiled egg, one pandesal (this was just sliced thinly)

Lunch

Now this was torture. Lunch was just a pack of crackers and cream cheese. I’m not allowed to eat snacks, so I had a gallon of water to satisfy my hunger between meals.

Dinner

Dinner was okay. Most people know I don’t enjoy vegetables. But I seemed to actually like what I had for dinner. It’s one banana, two hotdogs and cabbage and carrots. We shredded the vegetables because I was hesitant at first to eat them.

This diet forced me to go to bed early to avoid getting hungry at midnight. Anyway, I lost 3 kilos in the first go. So we’d probably make this a weekly thing until I reach my ideal weight, or at least until I decide to stand up and finally leave the house for a jog or a trip to the gym. But that’s not going to be anytime soon. It’s just TOO HOT to set foot outside the house. So come September I have no excuse not to start moving.

I haven’t been updating my one month meme on my other blog. I’ve been too lazy to type anything long lately. Once again I put the blame on my twitter addiction.

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Thesis adviser and more.

I had one of the sweetest conversations ever. And it was with my former thesis adviser, who is now a very good friend of mine. Actually, even before she became my thesis adviser, we were already quite close, which was the main reason she was assigned to me.

It went like this:

Sunday, July 18, 2010. 12:59 AM
Adviser: i will log out in a a few minutes
Me: hello
Adviser: but I just have to say this
Me: okay…
Adviser: I miss hanging out with you at starbs
Me: :((
Me: i miss that tooo!!
Adviser: and when the new batch of students enter the poleco faculty room now, I sometimes instinctively look for you
Adviser: yun lang
Me: :((
Adviser: end emo moment
Me: i miss you too!!!
im visiting on july 2011
Me: awww… dati maingay kasi when im there sa ipe faculty eh
now it’s so quiet
Adviser: yah and then new students will be using the old pc meh
Adviser: that was your personal pc in ipe kaya haha

It was the highlight of my day. I’ve been getting pretty homesick lately and I’ve been craving crazy for kwekkwek and fishball.

Anyway, I am extremely obsessed with Sterling Knight. Due to my bum-ness these days I’ve been heavily exposed to Disney shows (Sonny with a Chance) and movies (StarStruck). I thought it was kindov hypocritical of me to have a huge fangirl crush on Sterling because I cannot understand people my age crushing on Justin Bieber, but this was when I thought Sterling was 17. Then I found out he turned 21 on March. Ha. He’s actually five months older than me. But he looks much younger:

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Finally, since I like documenting what I wear, this is what I wore last Thursday:

Top: Robinsons Department Store (P550)
Skirt: (Dress) Landmark, Trinoma (P200)
Vest: Thrifted  (P80)

Basyang

I haven’t had decent sleep today because I was really worried about my friends in the Philippines who were facing the Tropical Storm, Basyang. I was such a mommy sending them text messages asking how they were and telling them to stay home because it was dangerous to go out.

Sometimes I feel my friends get strangled by my “love” for them. I was once told by a good friend of mine that I easily get hurt, because I always gave my all to those who I feel are important to me. I just realized that the reason I do this is that I tend to let go of my friends. Whenever I move on to another stage of my life, I usually leave behind those people who were with me then.

Case in point: my high school barkada. It took us five years to finally have a reunion. I hardly replied to their messages on facebook, yahoo messenger, or through text. It took me 2 years to finally add them on facebook. That’s how much I distanced myself from them. I do not mean to do it. It’s just that every time I pass a milestone in my life, I feel I have changed too much to relate to certain people.

This is mainly because of the lack of communication. I mean we don’t really have anything in common anymore nor do we know much about each other to have anything to talk about. It’s fun to dig up old memories but it’s tiring to keep going to the past, without anything to talk about on the present.

I don’t want that to happen with my group of friends now, and I think that’s something some of them don’t understand. I have a record of eventually leaving behind people. I don’t mean to. It just happens especially if I’ve drifted too far. That is why I’m trying to keep as close as I can when it comes to my college friends. I don’t want it to happen with them, they’ve become too big a part of my life for me to just forget them. But sometimes I can’t help but not care anymore since it’s hard to be the one doing most of the reaching out.

Anyway, enough of that. Now everyone knows I’m a ditcher. Kbye.

Anyway, updates to the letters blog:

Day 11 – Someone deceased you wish you could talk to

Day 12 – The person you hate the most/caused you much pain

Day 13 – someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 – someone you drifted away from

The headings are getting longer and longer by the day 😐

About my birthday

July 7, 2010 was my 21st birthday. It is time to accept that I am no longer a teenager. When I was 20, (which was just about five days ago) I easily argued that I was twenteen. But it is futile denial when I say I’m twenteen one. In my heart I will always be that teenager who knows how to have fun (I hope).

I love my best friends. They truly made me feel special in that day. Rhowenna made me an entire photo album full of pictures of our memories together which made me cry. It was nice looking at five years of great friendship with my first friend in UA&P. This was followed by a facebook message from my other best friend, Henry, which really made me feel loved. I really miss my best friends now 😦

But to top it all up was my great friend, Mar. He forgot to greet me, which got me really annoyed because if there’s something that I’m very particular about, it’s birthdays. I purposely did not place my birthday announcement on facebook to know who would actually greet me. (Yes, I’m that kind of person, on a side note, Jonathan was the first dormer to greet me. I actually thought the all forgot. Haha).

Anyway, I threw a big fit when he finally greeted me (36 minutes late). It was kind of touching that he greeted me on text, twitter, and facebook, but I did not take notice of his greeting (I felt I had the right, I considered him to be one of my greatest friends… just a level below “best friend”). But I did converse with someone else in twitter, to let him see that “look i’m online but not responding to your messages!!!” Haha I’m evil, I know.

In my attempt to ignore him, I stayed invisible on YM. But he still buzzed me anyway. He apologized, but what got me the most was when he told me that he “hopes [I] wouldn’t make this a basis of our friendship”. I stopped being a bitch, but I still a little upset, because. It was my birthday :|. We chatted a bit and I kinda made him feel a bit guilty. After an hour or so of talking, he sent me the cutest e-card which carried both a birthday greeting and an apology. It was really then when I really felt his friendship.

You see, aside from my birthday, I put a big weight on friendship, especially for those who I hold as important to me. I went through a rough patch a few months ago, which led me to believe that I should not give my all to people. But with what just happened, I felt that I was actually doing it right. And for that, Mar perhaps gave me then best birthday gift I could ask for – and that’s bringing back to me the belief that true friends actually exist, and true friendships last. I know it’s so cheesy. Since I’ve turned 21 I have been excessively cheesy. Anyway, I sent him a lengthy text expressing how deeply sorry I was for being a class A bitch to him when he was pretty contrite about his actions. Alls well that ends well ey?

My birthday this year was simple. Just a dinner out with my family. Nothing exciting, it was just like a normal day… and you know what? I loved it. I like the quiet. I think I like the quiet after all the hectic years in college.

Just as a flash back, here are pictures from my birthdays from the past five years:

2005

My 16th birthday. L-R Top: Camille, Justin, Benise, Nardz, Bien, Mia, Me, Migo. Bottom: Aya, Haeja, Henry

This was taken in the school cafeteria before blue and gold took over the space. These are my blockmates. Most of them I’m still super close with 🙂

2006

My 17th birthday. Top picture: taken on the steps of Tektite, Ortigas before we headed off to Eastwood. L-R Top: Me Henry Camille, Bottom: Justin Ian Jonathan

Bottom picture taken after we left Eastwood (yes we don’t have a decent picture in eastwood meh.Clockwise: Jonathan, Camille, Henry, Me, Monica, Ian, Mar. This was in McDonalds when we just played cards till the sun rose 🙂

2007

My 18th birthday. It was a beautiful debut with all the important people in my life at that time. I love these people. The theme was pink (boys) and white (girls) Clockwise: Ian, Mar, Tyress, Monica, Cheston, Jude, Enzo, Henry, Jonathan, Camille, Me, Benise. ❤ This was in the Venue (Yes, that’s the name)

2008

My 19th birthday. This was in Kimono Ken, the Podium. Clockwise: Maan, Tyress, Enzo, Benise, Camille, Jonathan, Jude, Kath, Rio, Cheston, Me, Henry, Mar, Ian (not in pic: Justin, but he was there 🙂 )

2009

My 20th birthday. My departure from the teenage years. I was glad to do it with the greatest friends anyone can ever meet. Clockwise: Kath, Enzo, Mar, Jonathan, Camille, Henry, Justin, Jude, Cheston, Me)

2010

And here are the pictures from my 21st birthday 🙂 Yes I gained weight. Thanks for pointing it out.

And this is my practicing my wacky face for when I get back to the Philippines and have pictures taken with the dormers 🙂

1995

And the final flashback. This was me on my 6th birthday. 15 years ago.

I know. I was so cute. What happened?

Before I go to sleep.

I brushed my teeth in the dark. Half way, I freaked out thinking I may have picked up the wrong toothbrush (we’re four in the family) so I ran to the hallway where there was light. And thankfully, I used the right one.

I was supposed to type up a long update today but I was too preoccupied with Frontierville. I swear that game is evil. It is taking control of my life. I promise myself I will update tomorrow. There are some things I would want to immortalize that happened on my birthday.

Addendum:

I updated my letters blog for the meme:

Day Five: To Your Dreams

Day Six: To a stranger

Day Seven: To an Ex

Day Eight: To your favorite internet friend

Day Nine: To Someone you wish you could meet

Day Ten: To someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Paranoia and sleepless nights

Today I am officially a month unemployed. It’s starting to alarm me because I don’t think I can take this dependence thing much longer. I love my parents for offering to support me till forever, but I’d like to give them a break as well.

It’s 4:16 am right now and I am having trouble sleeping. I admit, I have been having trouble sleeping for a while now. I usually like to tire myself until I’m really sleepy so that I could avoid the blank spaces before sleeping. Because it is during this that my mind tends to drift. Unfortunately, my thoughts seem to always drift to a specific time in my life which has caused me great confusion and pain and has led me to increased paranoia.

I’ve told this story enough, but let’s just say it’s a story of two people with different notions of friendship, and different degrees of manifesting that friendship towards each other. I used to be scared to blog about this, because that person might read this, because whenever I write about an encounter between the two of us, it seems to get to the other side. But now I don’t care. If this reaches him, then that just means one thing. He reads this blog, which of course, I will never assume, because it was made very clear to me that he does not care for me either.

The problem with me now is that I care too much. I care too much about what other people have to say about me. I have an extreme case of paranoia that haunts me in my quiet hours, which is why I prefer to preoccupy myself. That is why these bum days have been horrible. You see, I am not having trouble sleeping because I miss this person. No. I do not. In fact I have no regrets in what I did and the consequences of that action (I’m sorry for being vague. I’d rather not go into detail as it is rather long). Bottom line is I deserve better.

What haunts me is the trauma of being treated such way by someone with whom I have done (almost) nothing but favors for. What bothers me is the thought that I may have been the bad person (although my friends tell me I’m not, but that’s just it. They’re my friends – they should side with me). What makes me feel bad is that there could be something wrong with me. Honestly I have had difficulties letting other people in now because of what happened. There I said it. And if ever you read this, I hope you’re happy, don’t you like to make people feel self-doubt? Well now you’ve done it to me. Thanks.

But I don’t (completely) blame you. A big part of it is my fault – because I allowed myself to be treated in such way for a long time, because I am a paranoid person, because I let what you said get to me. It shouldn’t be that way. I should not be affected by it, but I’m not numb, not yet.

I guess the first step is acceptance. Acceptance that I have a serious case of paranoia, and that I need all the help I can get. It’s not funny anymore. It’s not helping that I am miles away from the people with whom I am most comfortable in expressing my emotions to. But whatever, I’ll get through this., I know I will. All I need is time.

Anyway, since I have already started with the emo mood for those who actually read through the above paragraphs, you may want to check out the three new additions I made for the 30-day meme for July:

Day 2: to your crush

Day 3: to your parents

Day 4: to your sibling

If you have noticed, I’m really bad in capping my blog entries. I’m thinking of a cool signature that goes beyond xo, toodles, tata, hugs and kisses. But since I can’t think of any yet, I’ll just leave my blog entries unsigned.

July.

Happy new month. In five days I would have officially been unemployed for a month. Two days after that, I turn 21. Years go by too fast. Most of the time kids would want to rush growing up. But I would like to think I grew up at a steady pace. I was never fascinated by boyfriends, make up, and parties like some of the children my age were. In fact, I still have the least amount of interest in those things, with the exception of make up which I use occasionally.

Anyway, I started a 30 day meme to celebrate the beautiful month of July. It was a letters meme from Tumblr wherein everyday I would have to write a letter to a designated person. Today I had to write to my best friend. I decided to  post it in my old blog because it fit the theme that I had for it. (It was named “From Sarah, With Love”) I will hyperlink each blog entry from this blog, for people who are interested in reading it, just like what I did above.

I also chose not to post it here because the cheesiness might scare the very few readers I have away.