(Not) Growing Up

 

Whenever I see a group of rude middle school students, it makes me sad because I realize these kids used to be sweet and adorable kindergarteners who would run to their teacher and give them a hug every day. I wonder how the kindergarteners this year will turn out after six years? What ever happened along the way? How did a sweet, adorable, angelic little kid grow up to become a defiant and arrogant preteen who disrespects and answers back to their teachers?

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On being fat

“You know, you’re pretty even if you’re fat.”

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that line (and forms of it), but no matter how often I hear it, I’ll never understand it. Being pretty and being fat are not mutually exclusive concepts.

I remember someone telling me I must lose weight so I can find a husband. Frankly, if any man will only be attracted to me because of how much I weighed, I don’t think he’s worth the time. Plus, modesty aside, I’ve been asked out by people several times before. I guess my weight isn’t acting like the road block people think it would.

In college, I heard stories of people making fun of me because I seemed to be “overconfident” and “too feeling sexy”. I’ve always been aware that I am fat, and I never really felt like it was a bad thing, but that didn’t stop me from feeling bad about what was being said about me. I have to admit that it really got me down for a while. It’s sad that people felt I didn’t have the right to be confident with how I looked despite my imperfections. Sure, I wasn’t as pretty as they were and sure I would definitely not fit in their clothes but that did not mean I should let them get to me. Now that I’m older I wish I didn’t feel so affected by what was said about me then.

I don’t mind if people tell me I need to lose weight because they’re concerned for me and my health but when I hear reasons such as to find a husband or to look better well that’s just crazy. I’m rambling a lot right now, but I just need to get this out. I mean sure I’d like to lose weight and wear the clothes I want to, and maybe one day I will, but I don’t want to do it just because of what other people say or because I want a guy to like me.