I was having a discussion over Facebook Chat with my good friend and favorite food buddy Jared about how deep and thought provoking discussions with friends could play a big role in shaping what we decide to blog about. That’s when I realized the great impact that blogging has had in my life. Sure, I’m not a popular blogger with a hoard of followers who eagerly await my every update, it would be so cool if I were. I’m just a regular 23 year old girl with a lot of things going on in her head in need of a medium to verbalize it. I’m in a specific situation wherein I don’t get that opportunity often in my everyday interactions with people, so blogging has definitely been a life saving experience for me. It has saved my sanity more than once. I mean, even if nobody reads what I have to say, it’s just very therapeutic to have an avenue wherein I can express my thoughts. It’s also doubly rewarding when you find out there are actually people who read what you want to say and are actually inspired by it.
Of course nothing beats the long, passionate, or even random, conversations about life and the universe but I will take what I can get. Blogging has definitely kept my mind on a continuous cycle of thought and no matter how many days, weeks, or months life keeps me busy, I find myself always running back to a blog.
It’s kinda funny- in the same conversation, I had mentioned to Jared how I found it difficult to find an inspiration to write because I rarely get to talk to people about my deepest thoughts and therefore I’m unable to process them properly to form a coherent idea on what to write about. Apparently, talking to him about my lack of ideas on what to blog about has given me the idea to blog about what we blog about.
A few days ago, I saw a Facebook post by a 15 year old girl complaining about how old she is now. I’m 23 and I’m turning 24 this July. At first, it really hit me. Here’s a girl almost a decade younger than I am complaining that she is old. How dare she? But after some thought, I realized: what is the big deal about getting older? Why do we keep letting an inevitable part of life bring us down?
Someone told me that she understood why Peter Pan wanted to be a kid forever. I used to agree with that sentiment as well but now I don’t. Sure, being an adult involves a lot of responsibilities but being an adult also opens us up to more experiences. I guess sometimes we’re just scared because we feel that time is running out. But hiding behind the denial of our inescapable increase in age would just result in a greater waste of the already limited time we have in this world. So, instead of complaining that we are getting older and wishing that we could be kids forever, we should embrace our aging selves.
I want to live every day with the full acceptance of the knowledge that I am indeed getting older. I want to constantly remind myself that right now, while I am getting older, I am not old. One day, I will be old; but when that day comes, I want to remember that I spent my days doing what I had dreamed to do instead of just dreaming of what I could have done.
A bucket list is just a bunch of meaningless words if you don’t start acting on it while you still can. I think that is the biggest lesson that I learned this year. I would like to think of 2012 as the year I started trying to take control of my own life – as the year I decided to get out of my comfort zone and actually start acting towards my dreams. I’m not there yet, I haven’t accomplished a tenth of what I thought I would by the time I reached this age but I’m getting there. A few years ago I kept my life on hold because I thought that the world didn’t want me to succeed. Upon much introspection, I realized that the reason I’m lagging behind on my aspirations is that I’ve never given myself the chance to try getting away from my self-imposed misery. I would spend days and nights sulking at how much better my life would be somewhere else instead of working on ways on how I can get myself out. I think it’s because I’m actually really scared that I won’t actually be able to do it.
By keeping myself stagnant, I ensured that I won’t walk into any failures, I secured myself from any damning mistakes that I would eventually regret but I was also keeping myself from any possibilities of success. I wouldn’t try because I was too afraid to fail but I would never succeed because I never tried. Out of my own fear to make mistakes, I was making the biggest mistake I could ever make and it was hampering my own growth. There was no one else to blame for that but myself. Thank God I realized that now.
2012 was the year I finally threw caution to the wind – when I took my first risk – and it was deliciously rewarding. Early this year, I decided I wanted to tour the United Kingdom. This was something big for me because for one, I don’t have a stable enough savings account that would allow me to get through this without it taking a huge hit. Flash forward to a few months later, I sit here typing on my computer, proud of myself for being able to do it ALL BY MYSELF. From the first step to the last, I managed to hold my own and fulfill one of my biggest wishes in life. I had always wanted to go the the United Kingdom as it was the birth place of my favorites, Harry Potter and Doctor Who, and my fan girl fantasies finally came to a fruition.
The whole experience gave me a huge stepping stone towards accomplishing my future plans of continuing to check off things off my bucket list. This mainly consists of travel destinations. I promise myself that 2013 will be a year of travel, that I will be able to go to at least 3 new international destinations next year and many more local destinations. I promise that in 2013 I will take more risks. I won’t stay in my comfort zone. I promise in 2013 I will start living my dreams instead of dreaming of a life I’d want to live. This is it 2013, you’re full of potential and I’m ready for you! Thank you for the amazing year, 2012! You were a good teacher. Now it’s time for me to live up to my promises to the new year. Happy New Year, everyone!
It’s been three years since I’ve started this blog which means it’s been almost three years, two and a half years to be exact, since I graduated from college and moved back with my family.
I know I complain a lot about how my life is here but I realized that I would’ve missed out on so much if I hadn’t decided to come back. So many blessings were thrown towards me in the past three years and I will be forever thankful for them. Who knew that I would have a penchant for teaching children? Three years ago I would never have imagined myself considering a career in teaching. Who would’ve thought I’d be able to pay for my own trip to the United Kingdom? Three years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it myself!
So much has changed and has happened in these three years and although I do feel that I have missed out on a lot of things because I’m not in the Philippines, I do believe that what I have gained while I was here definitely outweighs what I missed out on.
Last week, I finally downloaded all my pictures from multiply. There were several “What was I thinking” moments in there, but generally it was a very nostalgic experience. I don’t know how many times I’ve lost my pictures because my hard drive crashed or I accidentally deleted a file or I just lost the CD that it was in so I decided to select some of the pictures of really good memories and print them out to include them in an album or maybe even a scrapbook if I’m not lazy. When I was younger I loved flipping through the pages of old photo albums so why can’t I do that with my recent pictures? At least now I don’t need to access facebook or go through my documents just so I can go through my old pictures. 🙂 Yesterday, I went to the mall with my brother and printed out a few pictures that I chose from multiply just to check out how I feel about it and then I realized that it makes me feel good to have a physical photograph that I could hold in my hand while I reminisce the fun days I had in college.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that line (and forms of it), but no matter how often I hear it, I’ll never understand it. Being pretty and being fat are not mutually exclusive concepts.
I remember someone telling me I must lose weight so I can find a husband. Frankly, if any man will only be attracted to me because of how much I weighed, I don’t think he’s worth the time. Plus, modesty aside, I’ve been asked out by people several times before. I guess my weight isn’t acting like the road block people think it would.
In college, I heard stories of people making fun of me because I seemed to be “overconfident” and “too feeling sexy”. I’ve always been aware that I am fat, and I never really felt like it was a bad thing, but that didn’t stop me from feeling bad about what was being said about me. I have to admit that it really got me down for a while. It’s sad that people felt I didn’t have the right to be confident with how I looked despite my imperfections. Sure, I wasn’t as pretty as they were and sure I would definitely not fit in their clothes but that did not mean I should let them get to me. Now that I’m older I wish I didn’t feel so affected by what was said about me then.
I don’t mind if people tell me I need to lose weight because they’re concerned for me and my health but when I hear reasons such as to find a husband or to look better well that’s just crazy. I’m rambling a lot right now, but I just need to get this out. I mean sure I’d like to lose weight and wear the clothes I want to, and maybe one day I will, but I don’t want to do it just because of what other people say or because I want a guy to like me.
I haven’t been able to blog this week since my friend was here for a couple of days and I tried to maximize my time with her since it’s very rare that I actually have friends around. This week has been pretty productive actually. I’ve gone shopping twice, gone to the gym for the whole week, went to the beach, drank actual coffee, and played bandhero.
I actually have a life away from the computer. I really hope I can maintain my gym activity even if I don’t have someone who will accompany me there. My whole body is sore from the exercise but I really enjoy it and maybe I shall one day experience being thin once more.
It’s November and November really excites me.
Psych Mid-season premiere
Darren Criss on Glee (so proud of my bb)
HARRY POTTER 7 (although I’m probably watching it on July but still!!)
Also, it’s one month from Christmas!
Since I’m being extremely incoherent anyway (a lot has happened since my last post) I would like to announce that we have an addition to our small family.
Meet Portia! (We named her Portia because we found her on our porch one day) I wanted to name her Itteh Bitteh Kitteh but my brother said it was too long. She’s a stray kitten who just kept coming back no matter how far away my dad brought her. I really felt bad for her so we took her in. Now she’s gotten really fat! In just a matter of days! My whole family is amused by her since she’s really very smart.
To end this post, here’s the outfit I wore a few days ago. I haven’t been posting my outfits lately since I’ve gotten really fat and other times I just wear boring clothes. But I think I look less fat in this and I quite like what I did.
Purple Vneck: Robinsons Department Store (Men’s section) – Php150
One of the biggest downsides of being in Saudi Arabia is that there are no updated Cinemas in the area. There is one cinema here that is walking distance from my house, but it shows really old movies. It really frustrates me since I won’t be watching the Harry Potter movie until December 2, which is around two weeks from the official release date.
I have decided not to go on Tumblr before I watch it. I won’t want to spoil myself. My mom told me to download a bad torrent copy of it but it won’t be the same. I’m so annoyed. But what annoyed me more is that my mom called me a brat when I explained to her that I’m a big fan. I honestly tried my best to take it well. Being a brat would mean me not talking to my parents until they can either let me go back to the Philippines early or drive me to Bahrain as soon as we can.
I was merely explaining why (1) I won’t download the ugly version from torrent – as she told me to do in the mean time and (2) why I said I would not go online to the sites I regularly go to for two weeks.
Oh, if only I could drive myself to Bahrain. Maybe I can wear a wig and a fake mustache so I can actually do that.
I haven’t been able to blog for a while, one of the biggest reasons being my thoughts are not as coherent as they are at the moment. Between today and my last post, things have been crazy. On a personal level I had strained a muscle so bad I could not walk without support or move without any reverberating pain on my back to my thighs. It was horrible.
But I know I was in no right to complain. The day after I strained my back, the tragic De La Salle Bar Exam explosions occurred and my friend, Raissa Laurel, was involved in the incident. She lost both her legs to the accident. It was then when I decided not to complain about my leg pain, but rather rejoice for the pain because I still have legs to feel that pain.
After that I was just ashamed that I actually complained, while my friend Raissa took everything so well. She even took her own circumstance better than I did. I could not think properly given that everything that had happened seemed too close for comfort. Tragedy is put into perspective when someone you’ve interacted with is the one who is hurt.
Of course that is not the only mind-blowing incident that happened that day. As I was telling my best friend Henry, it was a horrible weekend for me, with everything just falling on my lap and it took me time to absorb all the information.
I felt if I blogged, I would be all irrational and just spew out all my emotions and regret it later (It has happened before).
To avoid this being a blog about blogging, I shall add: I have been preoccupied lately back watching Veronica Mars and Doctor Who episodes. I am rather enjoying Doctor Who, while the cancellation Veronica Mars remains to be one of The CW’s biggest mistakes.
I really amaze myself sometimes with how I can update my blog when all I do all day is sit on the bed and read books or go on tumblr.
I think I’ve mentioned it in one of my posts before, that I’ve been quite anti-social. I’m still trying to decide whether I’m the Socially Lazy Sloth or the Socially Awkward Penguin. I like penguins a lot though, so maybe I’ll stick to the latter.
I have this talent of losing friends because of how excessively clingy I am and I really hate it but I can’t avoid it. Most especially now when I am so far away from them that whenever I get to talk to them I spew out incoherent statements and sometimes come out as desperate for attention. At least I think I do.